When I am nervous, my brain acts like a flat stone on water, skipping from one thought to another. This causes problems when I am working, and these problems are exacerbated when the reason I am nervous happens to be work related.

This is just a long way of saying that my future is up in the fucking air like a prom dates legs. My financial future. My emotional future. Everything. My life has never been so tenuous as it is right now, at 2:44 PST on February 12, 2004. I am waiting for a verdict to be handed down from on high. A positive result would mean financial stability; it would mean a nice, safe plateau upon which more personal issues could be dealt with. A negative result would be that last Kamikaze at 1:58 AM that put you over the edge and had you puking in the bushes. I don���t know if we could survive another hit right now.

And wouldn���t you know it? The manager just came over and said she���s working on it, but another meeting is in order before they make their decision.